If you thought last week was underwhelming and boring, strap in cause it is worse this week. Who would have thought that Clemson vs NC would be the best game of Week 5? Obviously none of the people that work on or write this blog. I rushed back to Irondale from Tuscaloosa to get in front of a screen, and that game wasn’t even on at GM so I doubt anyone is offended. The marquee game this week is Auburn vs Florida, not that you have that many more options. I hope this is the last lackluster week of college football for the rest of the season. On the bright side my liver will be well rested for week 7.
I asked Berkley what the brunch specials were for the week and he said something about a chicken biscuit, but that he didn’t know it all yet (I remember it sounding good.) Let’s be honest, he is distracted by a video game franchise that has brain washed him into thinking it’s still good, when it hasn’t been since the first one. It’s fine, we still love him anyway. Hopefully the meteorologists are correct and this is the last week of 100+ temps. I’m hoping for one more round of frozen watermelon drink before summer is up.
Alabama (BYE): God damn DeVonta! Were you worried you were being overlooked for Ruggs and Jeudy? Well, worry no more; you’ve definitely established yourself as one of our top guys! Tua has so many great target options that it must be a nightmare for defensive planning. Our offense was on point, and aside from that bobble in the first half special teams looked great. Waddle is reminding me more and more of Arenas every week and I am here for it. Now for the tough bit, what the hell is going on with our defense?! We can’t stop the run, our secondary is still not doing great, I just don’t understand. Auburn looks a ton scarier after our defensive performance on Sat, and LSU is downright terrifying. Can we just smuggle HaHa or Mosley back for the last half of the season?
Auburn vs Florida (CBS 2:30): What should be a prime-time night game is going to be an afternoon game because of CBS. I look forward to this television contract being over. This is Florida’s homecoming game, which is interesting. I’m not sure if this should be taken as a slight against Auburn or not. I’m going to interpret it as a slight because that is more fun; so point to the track-suit capital of the south. This should be a good game. Even though I maintain that Florida has been over ranked all season, they have a defense that has the potential to disrupt Auburn. This is the first true test for Auburn’s offensive line as Texas A&M has shown to be underwhelming. Florida also has some things to prove to the country as far as their legitimacy is concerned. I think that whichever team can maintain ball possession for the most time will be the victor here. This is the most exciting game of the entire week so come to brunch and pre-game with us.
UAB vs Rice (ESPN+ 6:00): UAB would have won this game had it not been for 4 interceptions thrown by Johnston. Hopefully he can shake off a bad performance for this game against Rice, otherwise this game might not be so pretty for UAB.
OUT OF CONFERENCE GAME OF THE WEEK
by Schloppy
Michigan State v Ohio State (ABC 6:30). Big Ten East is up for grabs in this top 25 match-up. A lot of people like to jump on Ohio State (myself included, who tries to trademark the word The??) but make no mistake about it. Ohio State is the true #1 team in the nation. No team has been as dominant on both sides of the ball. Fields is a stud. On the other side, MSU can’t seem to figure out who they are. One week their offense sucks. 2 weeks later the defense sucks. In the middle they play a complete game. Lewerke leads the Big Ten in passing yards and his offensive line keeps him upright. They simply don’t have the offense besides him to keep the game close. Expect a 3 score game.
Tina’s Take: While I do think Ohio State will likely win this game, I disagree that they are the #1 team in the nation. Once again, they haven’t played anyone. Sure they have the #2 total defense in the country, but lets consider their schedule to date. Big 10 powerhouse schools like Indiana and Nebraska and the other 3 are outside the Power 5; this shouldn’t be an accomplishment, it should be an expectation. I expect it from my team, and I’m mad that I’m not getting it.
Ole Miss vs Vandy (SEC Network 6:30): Ole Miss performed better than I expected against Alabama last week. They played hard in the extreme heat and put points on the board. Their Freshman QB looks pretty good, so I expect that Ole Miss won’t be in their re-building process much longer. They shouldn’t have an issue with Vandy.
LSU vs Utah State (SEC Network 11:00): I haven’t watched Ohio State at all this year, but I have a hard time believing they are better than LSU. This ranking change makes no sense to me as they have played absolutely no one, but whatever, that is typical for Ohio State and all the dildos that worship them. LSU is straight up dangerous, and anyone who doesn’t recognize them as a top 4 contender is blind. This game is really just a precursor to the match against Florida next week in Death Valley.
Missouri vs Troy (SEC Network 3:00): Troy has been known to be the cause for some upsets in the past, but I doubt they’ll be able to pull one here as long as Missouri’s defense shows up.
NOW FOR ALL THE BYE GAMES…AGAIN
I’m breaking from format. I can’t be bothered to discuss how barely adequate South Carolina is, or break down State’s annihilation by Auburn. Miss State, South Carolina, Arkansas, Kentucky, Texas A&M, and Alabama all have BYEs this week. Half of the SEC isn’t playing at all this week. Let that sink in. I know if Alabama had a big game I wouldn’t care as much, but as it stands I am bothered. I think giving the kids two BYEs per season is a fantastic idea, but this is just nuts. Do they all have to be within the same two weeks of one other? Whatever, until someone wants to pay me the amount of money these SEC Commissioners get I’ll let them fix their own oversights.
Clemson also has a BYE this week so I wanted to take the opportunity to talk about last weeks game. WOOF that was bad. The Tarheels should have won that game a couple of times, but busted it on a bad play call for a 2-point conversion. Perhaps Clemson isn’t the opponent we all feared, but I’m still not convinced there is anyone in their schedule that will beat them. I know I don’t have a ton of room to talk about strength of schedule being an Alabama fan, but we’ve at least got LSU and Auburn to get past before our conference championship.
Georgia vs Tennessee (ESPN 6:00): Speaking of conference championships, Georgia will be in our so I debated on if I should put Georgia last, but Tennessee is involved and they must always be last. I mean…what is there to say really other than this is like leading lambs to slaughter. Thankfully Tennessee are not cute innocent lambs, so I’ll be gleefully cheering for their destruction at the hands of the Bulldogs. I’m not sure how much attention anyone should really pay to this game with important out of conference games going down, BUT let’s just be honest. Tennessee being awful and the butt of all the jokes is wonderful. Countdown to hate week: 2 weeks.
